Making mistakes
by Mandise
Summary: We all make mistakes some bigger than others. Kenna learns it the hard way after Bash finds out about Renaude's baby. Convinced they have no future together she leaves France never to come back again. But what happends where your heart still bleeds from the mistakes you once made? How do you stop caring and loving a person? Set after season 2 finale!


**Hello to you all,**  
 **So this is my first reign fanfiction. Before you even start reading, I need you to know that me not being from an English Speaking country ( I'm from France ) this story is extremely difficult for me to write. HOWEVER as I do like a challenge from time to time, I wanted t try and write something in English. I just hope you will forgive me for any mistake I'll make while writing.**

 **Seeing how difficult it is for me to write, it will probably not be a long story.**  
 **I hope you enjoy it. Please rate and review to help me improve r just tell me what you thought of it or what you think will happen, it will make my day.**

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They set sail at on. Foolishly, she had hoped he would come after her, suggest an idea so that she could say, so that they would sort this out : how naive of her. Deep down she knew what she really was hoping for was his love as well as his forgiveness. He did not come after her. There was no knight in shining armour on the port shouting her name and begging her to stay, this only happened in those stories people told little girls. Unfortunately she had stopped being a little girl not so long ago.

He was not coming, not giving her his forgiveness. They were not moving forward. She was leaving and she was alone. He probably did not care to be honest, she thought. After all, why would he care ? She had been the worst wife a man could have. Was she even really a wife to him : they did not even wish to marry at first. No she thought, that was unfair. She had been a wife to him and he a husband to her once. For sure they never dreamt of marrying each other, for sure, this was forced upon them and yet, time had worked its magic and she, the rebellious, provocative young lady had fallen with the unlucky bastard. They had been in love. Until everything went wrong.

And so, Kenna got on the ship and sailed away from France crying over this feeling of being forgotten by all. She had hurt him she knew and deeply so. What she had done was absolutely unforgivable. Come to think of it, if he had been the one doing it, she would probably never have talked to him again ( let alone allow him near us ). Still, knowing this did not ease her mind.

They had been sailing for quite some time and Kenna stood in her cabin, her hand caressing a still flat stomach. She was exepecting a child which was not her husband's. She thought about her last encounter with Bash : she had tried, desperately so, to convince him that they still had a chance, a future together even though her instincts told her not to tell him about Renaude's baby. She did not and that was what condamned her. Yes, she had been wrong not to tell him what did he have to pretend she lied. Renaude, as any other man, was a mistake, an answer to her loneliness. She did not lie to Bash though : she still thought they could work it out. How wrong she was.

And now, here she was, standing on a ship that would take her away so that she could give birth to that unwanted child before she gave it to adoption. Mary had selected this couple from Switzerland : unable to concieve, they had wanted an heir for such a long time that she was absolutely convinced that they would love her child. Trusting it to the care of people who wouldn't adre it was absolutely out of the question. And yet, knowing these two would worship her child did not bring any joy to her ; n the contrary, it amplified the void in her chest and it hurt so bad.

Mary had arranged it all : she would go to Spain for a while before the end of her pregnancy after what she would deliver in Switzerland. And then, she was free to do anything she wanted : go back to France or anywhere in the world.

A knock in the door interrupted her thoughts :

"Excuse me, milady, but dinner is served.

\- Yes, I'm coming."

The maid left and Kenna followed her. On the ship, a room was adapted for the guests so that they could eat dinner in a relative comfort. There, sat at different tables, were an old man, his young wife and their two children, a young boy, not much older than seventeen maybe, and a boy with gingerish hair next to whom sat an old lady. Kenna sat at the farthest table, alone. She observed all these people : the family first. The children were quite nosy but in a nice way, their laughter filled the room. The little girl wore a lovely white dress with her hair in a braided crown around her hair, she ought to be around seven or eight years old. Her brother was not much older than four, he was a chubby little boy with brown hair and blue eyes which reminded Kenna of her lost husband. She thought of her child to come : would it look like this little boy ? No, of course not : he was not Bash's there was, therefore, no reason it would look like him. Their mother seemed like a quiet creature, she would not speak at all, her gaze only directed to her lap. As for the old man, her husband ( or so it seemed ) he was indeed much older with grey hair and a mustache that was quite funny. He seemed like a nice man : not the kind of husband a young woman would pine for but still...

On Kenna's right tha seventeen years-old boy got up and away from the table after receiving a note : he had this angry look in his face like nothing could ever satisfy him which, strangely enough was looking a bit like Antoine's when the later was not trying to charm someone.

As for the latest two people, the old lady was seemingly asleep while her companion, seemed bored to death. He gazed up to Kenna, saw her staring at him and got up n his feet, walking to her.

\- May I join you ? You seem rather lonely. No offense, milady.

\- None taken. Please, she said indicating the seat facing her.

\- My name is Aleskeï Dimitriovitch Zerbst.

\- I'm Kenna, she said : there was no use in using her last name, she was not even sure she could still use it.

\- Are you from France ?

\- Oh, no. I come from Scotland. It is a rather long story to be honest.I would not want to bother you.

\- I doubt you could, he said flashing her a bright , how old are you Kenna ?

\- Nineteen. How old are you ?

\- Twenty-two.

\- Oh, really ? You're the same age my ..."

She stopped dead : she was about to say " you're the same age my husband is". There was no point talking about Bash ever again. It was rather clear he did not care what she did or where she was. Instead she just said :

\- You're the same age one my friend is !

\- Do you play chess lady Kenna ?

\- I do but I am a terrible player.

\- Would you do me the honour ?"

And so they played for a very long time. He told her of what he liked, of his life "back from where he was from". Aleskei was not unpleasant, far from it, but there was something rather boring about him. He was no Antoine or Renaude. He certainly was nothing like her soon-to-be ( ? ) ex-husband. And then he had these magic worlds :

" The King of Russia is my father though I am only his fourth son and therefore am not likely to ever be king he is ... quite generous with me..."

Kenna's face, for some unfathomable reason, lit up :

" The King of Russia, really ? How incredible. You know, I would love to see you again. Maybe after I have seen ... the peopleI have to see... maybe you could, invite me, we could spend sometime together"

As soon a the words had left her mouth she regretted them. What on Earth was wrong with her ? Had she not learnt anything at all from all of her misfortunes ? But she could not, would not, take those words back. Who knew, it might actually come in handy.

Elsewhere, in France, Sebastian de Poitiers had barely spent anytime at all in the castle since his fight with his had charged him with various missions that he was all too glad to carry as long as it prevented him from meeting her ever again. Yet, as everything must end, those missions were soon to stop and Sebastian eventually had to go back to the castle, preparing himself for the inevitable meeting with Kenna.

When he came through the doors of the castle, however, he could instantly feel that something was off though he could not understand what. Everything seemed fine, there was no drawn weapons, no fire, no disease, no catastrophy still, somewhere a little voice in his head told him to be careful He could see the lords and ladies looking at him in a strange way, a way they never had before : wha exactly did that mean ?

Bash had half expected Kenna to jump at him as soon as he had come in the castle but she was, surprisingly enough, nowhere to be seen and the King's deputy found himself half relieved half disappointed not to see her. Had she found another man in the whole month they had been apart ? This would explain why she was not here trying to salvage what was left of their marriage.

As his duty commanded, he went up to meet with his half brother and report to was in the nursery with John, Lola and Mary. The two women had finally put their differences aside which was all for the better. Still no trace of his wife though. They all turned to greet him, smiles plastered on their faces but the look on their face told him something was defintely wrong. Lola's was the easiest to read : probably because while Francis and Mary as King and Queen had to hide lots of things they had grown accustomed to it while Lola probably never would :

-I have done as you say brother, he announced to Francis. I found an English spy, we arrested him, he gave us some information but I am not confident in all of it. Of course he would not talk when asked about Elizabeth's whereabouts or plans.

\- That was to be expected, I suppose, breathed Francis. I will deal with it tomorrow. For now, let us just celebrate your return."

There was definitely something off : they never celebrated his return : not that Francis did not appreciate him returning but he was only following his brother's orders, there was nothing to be celebrated.

\- Please, he said, half annoyed, will any of you just tell me what is wrong ? And where is Kenna ? Found another lover to wrong now ?

\- Please, Bash, don't be so harsh on her, Mary commanded.

\- What, when she ...

\- Kenna's not with another man, Bash, whispered Lola shyly. She's... She's gone.

\- What do you mean she's gone ?

\- She left just after you did, Mary answered.

\- Fine ... When is she coming back then ? She and I have some things to discuss about our marriage or rather the annulment of it ?

\- That is the thing, brother, we don't know when she is, Francis provided.

\- Or even if she is coming back at all, added Lola with a sad smile."

It seemed that the world stopped for a minute. What did they just say ? Kenna was gone ? But where ? It made absolutely no sense ? And why on earth would they not know if she was or wasn't coming back ?

\- I don't understand what you mean, he said in a breath.

They all looked at each other, not knowing how to answer him. Mary's face became harsher but she did not utter a word. Francis was at loss too. Only Lola, it seemed, was brave enough to provide him with some information.

\- You know, as we do, that she is pregnant and the child is Renaude's. After... after what happened between you and his hanging she decided to leave...

\- But what about the child ?

\- Mary and I found a good family for it, it will be taken care of, Francis said, at last, a sad smile on his face.

\- Where has Kenna gone ?

\- She is gone to Spain, for now. I cannot really say where, she said she knew someone there and that they would welcome her : she never said any more about it. Then she is supposed to go to Switzerland to deliver. The baby will be given to the family ...

\- I told Kenna she was free to do whatever she pleased after this, Mary chimed in. Come back, go back to her father in Scotland, travel the world. She will be the one to decide. None of us expects to see her here ever again though.

\- She will come back, Bash said confidently.

\- I am not so sure, Lola said, she wrote to me a few days ago, she said that she was well and well taken care of. She wrote : _"Please Lola, do not be angry with me, or upset for you know that I love you as a sister - a sister I never had. I think I will never come back to France however. There is too much heartache there - most of it I caused to myself and others- too much memories that I do not think I can deal with. I am unsure of what the future will bring for me. Had things been different, I would have been here, with you and my dear Mary, we would be bringing up our children together as we always thought we would and we would be oh so very happy. I would be with him, you would meet a charming young man who would fall in love with you ( and with your son, of course ) and Mary and Francis would be the happiest couple of Earth with a child to bless their union. I have however learnt that life is no fairytale and that these endings rarely happen._

 _So, dearest Lola, I am writing you this, and as I do so, my heart bleeds, trust me, but I am not coming back to you after this child is born. I do not know where I will head. Maybe I will go to Russia, maybe elsewhere, maybe I will join my family back in Scotland but never again will I set foot in France."_

\- She will come back, Sebastian repeated stubbornly

\- Do not count on it, brother, Francis assured him, putting a comforting arm around Bash's shoulders"

But these were words the later was not ready to hear. Of course Kenna would come back : she was Kenna, she was his wife and she would come, as usual and demand that they fix their marriage : and hw she was wrong if she thought he would agree


End file.
